Twinkle Little Star

It’s a Saturday, 15h33 and I’m on a flight to Sao Paolo, Brazil - a 10-hour connecting flight from Cape Town (connected from Johannesburg). I’m sitting in an aisle seat, jamming to Elaine via the inflight entertainment channel whilst a little baby next to me is unsettled. Both parents are trying to calm him down but his cries are warranted. The flight is long and I can imagine, uncomfortable for him. The mom continually sings “twinkle twinkle little star”, with the hope to soothe him. Between song, breastfeeding and calm aisle pacing, the tricks work but only for a little while…

Watching and listening to them had me reflecting on a lot of things about life, parenting and marriage.

One of the most crucial things we learned when growing up is the importance of listening to our elders. This is emphasised and ingrained in us from our formative years. However, have you ever wondered how much of this drowns our own voices whilst subsequently shaping how we view the world or how we show up in it?

The way the mom just focused on fulfilling her baby’s needs without worrying about how her public solo performance will be received moved me. It made me wonder about the impact we’d have in our lives if we just did what felt right without worrying about the infamous “what will people say” conundrum we tend to get stuck in.  The conundrum can be paralysing, leading us to act contrary to our beliefs and what we know is needed. The motive? To try to appear in control or unbothered by the situation at hand. When it comes to parenting, our understanding of this is an important aspect to nurturing our children well. Our kids feed off of us: if we are moved by panic, it sets off their nervous systems.

This momma didn’t put up a performance or sought agreeable pity or understanding of the situation at hand. She leaned in, trusted herself and listened to her gut. She didn’t worry about what those seated close to her would think of her. She took charge but asked for help. She wasn’t embarrassed about a finicky baby on board. She remain composed and focused on her baby’s needs. The outcome? A settled, sleepy baby. Goal achieved!

The husband’s engagement was commendable. He fulfilled his duty as a father and husband actively. Leaning into his dad-tuition and listening to the wife and baby’s needs - anchoring his family in a remarkable way. A reminder of how impactful it is for the whole family to have present members - when everyone is involved, playing their part. In a marriage situation, a couple that view themselves from a partnership perspective always defy the odds of gender stereotypes.

These kinds of relationships spell, “we are in this together” and “I got you”. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Well, it’s December and with all the festivities, if you are single, you might just meet someone 😅 so this is a reminder to pick a partner well. If you already have a partner but they aren’t as present as you need them to be, this season is perfect for reflection. Bring up this discussion for a workable solution - attune to what you are both building towards. If you don’t do this, resentment festers and can lead to undesirable outcomes.

Relationships need to feel safe so we can be ourselves. When we show up fully as ourselves, we are able to serve each other well, from the best versions of ourselves. Honestly, it may sound tedious and it can be but it’s all worth it in the end. A true win-win situation.

As the baby settled in their mom’s hands, the visual of stars twinkling is a memory  that will be etched in my mind forever. I have no doubt that with present and supportive parents, the child will twinkle even brighter in years to come.