Parenting: the gift and its challenges

Parenting is a profound gift that many of us are blessed to receive at some stage in our lives. It is a journey filled with unexpected twists, turns and challenges, yet it remains a gift that continues to enrich us in unique and meaningful ways.

Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience. It demands an unwavering commitment to nurturing and guiding our children, shaping their characters and ensuring their well-being. The role of a parent requires us to dedicate our time to raising good humans, providing for them and making sure all their needs are met. In doing so, we experience both the joys and the difficulties inherent in parenthood.

My daughter, Bontle and I.

Reflecting on a recent conversation with my daughter, I realised just how much parenting permeates and takes over our lives. From the moment we become parents, our priorities shift dramatically. Raising children who are kind, responsible and compassionate becomes central to our existence. We strive to meet their physical, emotional and educational needs, often putting their well-being ahead of our own.

The struggle to maintain identity

However, amidst the daily juggling act of caring for our children, showing up in the corporate world and managing household responsibilities, it is easy to lose ourselves. We sometimes forget to model the very behaviours and values we hope to pass on. Neglecting our own needs and identities can mean we fail to demonstrate qualities we want our children to emulate.

This became especially apparent when my daughter and I looked at an old photo of mine from 2010. Her candid observation - that I looked fashionable, young and vibrant then, but have changed - served as a mirror. It highlighted how parenthood can sometimes cause us to lose touch with ourselves. If that wasn’t all, in the same week, my sister also held a mirror up for me. Sharing another old 2010 photo (thanks, Facebook memories), she said “Where is this vigorous and fearless Fifi?” I asked her to hold the mirror up for me by doing a then vs now review. She did and let’s just say, all she said hit home! I b.a.w.l.e.d.

The 2010 images that sparked much conversation and reflection

Her feedback was another reminder of how I’ve unintentionally let complacency seep into my life. Honestly, life has thrown so many lemons at me that I got tired of making lemonade. A lot of who I was back then is still very much in me but having a child makes you think twice about risks and go-getting adventures. Everything I do now is overly calculated with the first consideration being my daughter: providing for her, nurturing her success, being a present mom and thinking about how my decisions will affect her. Everything else now comes secondary.

See how parenting can override our individuality if we are not careful? This is something we need to be aware of and do something about, sooner rather than later. Otherwise we risk perpetuating behaviours that embed themselves as norms in our children’s lives and the lives of their children and their children’s children.

Finding balance and modelling self-care

As we navigate the responsibilities of parenthood, it’s essential to remember that our children learn not only from what we say but also from what we do. By nurturing our own sense of self and pursuing our passions, we teach our children the importance of self-care and personal growth. Striking this balance allows us to be more present, resilient and authentic parents - an ultimate benefit for the entire family.

Me in recent months, chic as ever! :)

I know I am still fashionable and vibrant, however, that spark needs to be reignited often. These two conversations reminded me about the importance of embracing life’s seasons but without losing sight of who we are. The many hats we wear on our journeys should not dictate how we ought to show up or what we can relish in. The parallels should be in sync. When they are in sync, the integration can be seamless. Before you jump on me, remember that seamless isn’t about perfection but an appreciation and embrace of the journey and the process.

In any case, the pursuit of perfection is fickle and futile. Parenthood is a journey of growth - for both our children and ourselves. By embracing each season with intention and self-awareness, we not only nurture our children’s development but also honour our own identities. Let’s strive to model balance, resilience and self-care, showing our children that it’s possible to give wholeheartedly without losing sight of who we are. In doing so, we create a legacy of authenticity and well-being that will echo through generations.