Gemima Phalane on reinvention, risk and why you should bet on yourself

We've heard many stories about people who go through a journey of reinvention after a certain age. The adage, "life begins at 40" has for years been the benchmark for many people to actually start LIVING LIFE. But Gemima's story shows us that we do not have to wait for a particular age to live purposefully. The journey starts with intentional steps that we take each day to build towards a meaningful life. That in itself does not mean we should wait for a meaningful life to knock on our doors but it's a reminder that what we seed today will be reflected in our future.

Gemima's story is one woman's journey of resilience, boldness, selflessness and courage. She inspires us to bet on ourselves, even with a full family in tow. Her story, is evidence why that risk is necessary...

Who is Gemima?

I am deeply passionate about people, healing, personal growth and purpose. I am a Psychological Counsellor, Life Coach, Author, Speaker, and the founder of Mindset Shift Book Club & Healing and The Home of Psychoeducation With Gee: Where Psychology Meets Everyday Experiences.

Beyond the titles, I am a woman who believes that our stories matter and that we can use what we have walked through to create something meaningful.

I am also a mother, a lifelong learner and most importantly, a woman who is still becoming. I don't believe I have arrived. I am constantly learning, unlearning, healing and asking myself how I can use my life to make a difference in the lives of others.

One of the things I believe I am called to do is create safe spaces for people, spaces where people can be seen, heard, understood and accepted without having to pretend that they have everything figured out.

I often think about the kind of person I would have needed growing up: someone who would listen without judgement, make room for my questions, remind me of my worth and make me feel that I wasn't alone. I want to be that person for others.

What about being a woman makes you tick?

What makes me tick is the depth and complexity of the female experience. There is so much that women carry, our families, relationships, careers, communities, dreams and sometimes wounds that nobody sees.

I am fascinated by the strength of women and by our ability to continue becoming despite what we have experienced.

What really drives me is seeing a woman move from “I don't think I can” to “Maybe I can.” There is something powerful about watching a woman rediscover herself, find her voice and realise that her life still has possibilities.

I also believe that women need spaces where they don't always have to be strong. Sometimes we need somewhere to simply exhale, be honest and say, “This is where I am.” Creating those spaces is something that is very close to my heart.

Who inspires you and why?

My mother is one of the people who inspire me the most. She experienced a lot of hardship growing up. She lost her parents while she was still young, never really knew her mother and did not have the kind of upbringing that many of us would consider easy. But what inspires me is that she didn't allow her circumstances to define her future.

She learned to sew out of necessity, taking bigger clothes and altering them to fit so that she could have something to wear. That eventually became a skill that grew into a business. Today, she is a tailor, making clothes, curtains and creating beautiful things with her hands.

Her story reminds me that sometimes what we have to survive can become the very thing we use to build something. Her resilience, resourcefulness and ability to create something from very little are qualities I admire and carry with me.

You took a big bet on yourself in recent years. You quit your job and pursued full-time studies. What drove you to do this?

For many years, I had a career in IT with more than 15 years of experience in the field. But there was always another part of me that felt deeply drawn towards human behaviour. Eventually, I reached a point where I had to ask myself, “If I don't pursue this now, when will I?”

I resigned from my job in 2023 and went back to study full-time. It was a huge leap of faith because I was walking away from something I knew and had built over many years.

But I also realised that security and fulfillment are not always the same thing. I had spent years studying part-time while working, so this decision was really about giving myself permission to pursue something that felt deeply aligned with who I was becoming.

It taught me that sometimes betting on yourself means being willing to leave the security of what you know in order to pursue what you believe is possible.

You have a successful book club. What inspired the birth of the Book Club empowerment movement? How many years have you been running it?

The book club actually started with my own desire to empower myself. I didn't grow up in an environment where I felt confident with English, and when I started working, I became very aware that I wanted to improve my vocabulary and the way I expressed myself. I realised that there were words I didn't know and that I wanted to become more articulate and confident in communicating. So I started reading.

Initially, it was really about personal development and improving myself. But as I read more, I realised that books were giving me so much more than vocabulary. They were exposing me to different perspectives, helping me understand myself, relationships and the parts of me that I needed to heal, but was not aware of.

That is when the idea of a book club started to evolve. I thought, “If these books are helping me grow, why not create a space where other people can grow through books too?”

And that is how Mindset Shift Book Club began.

What started as me trying to empower myself became a community where I could empower others too. Six years later, it has grown into much more than a book club. We read, reflect, have difficult conversations, learn about ourselves and explore topics around healing, emotional wellbeing and personal growth.

And I think that is one of the things I love most about the journey. I started the book club because I wanted to change myself and along the way, it became a space where we could change and grow together.

You run a successful community, which I’m sure requires a lot of time and energy. How do you balance that with your other responsibilities?

I don't think I have mastered the art of balance. I think I have learnt the art of prioritising. There are seasons where one area of my life needs more of me than another. Being a mother is incredibly important to me, as is my professional work and the community I have built.

I have also learnt that I cannot pour from an empty cup. Because I work in the mental health and personal development space, I have had to become more intentional about rest, boundaries and recognising when I need to slow down.

And sometimes balance doesn't mean giving everything equal attention. Sometimes it means understanding what needs you right now and being fully present with that.

You are the author of Embrace Your Wounds and Realize Your Purpose. Please share more about the inspiration for this book.

The book was born from a question I have wrestled with personally and observed in many of the people I have worked with: what happens when our wounds begin to interfere with our purpose?

We often talk about purpose as though discovering it is enough. But sometimes you can know what you are called to do and still struggle to step into it because of rejection, fear, low self-worth, comparison, grief, people-pleasing or unresolved pain.

Embrace Your Wounds and Realize Your Purpose is about recognising that our wounds are part of our story but they don't have to become the authors of our future.

I wrote it to encourage people to look honestly at what they have experienced, embrace the parts of themselves they may have tried to hide, and begin the journey of turning pain into wisdom and purpose.

In many ways, the message of the book is also connected to the work I do.

Healing isn't about pretending that you were never wounded, it's about refusing to let your wounds determine the rest of your story.

Where can people get it?

They can get the book directly from me via WhatsApp on +27 82 926 9988.

What is the driving force behind your work?

My driving force is impact. I want my work to leave people with something: perhaps a new perspective, a little more self-awareness, the courage to have a difficult conversation, or the realisation that they are not alone.

With everything you've experienced and have seen, what would you say is your superpower?

I would say my superpower is turning lived experience into meaning and creating spaces where people feel seen.

I have experienced my own difficult seasons, and those experiences have taught me empathy. They have also taught me that you don't have to have everything figured out to make a difference.

I think I have an ability to take something complex an emotional experience, a wound or a difficult life situation and have conversations about it in a way that makes people feel, “I understand myself a little better now.”

And perhaps another superpower is resilience. I have had moments when I had to start again and I have learnt that starting again isn't necessarily failure. Sometimes it is growth.

Reflecting on the year thus far, what are you most grateful for?

I am deeply grateful for growth. This year has reminded me that life doesn't always unfold according to the timeline we imagine for ourselves but that doesn't mean we are behind.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to grow professionally, for the people I have been able to serve, for my book club community, my family and for the courage to keep pursuing the things that matter to me.

I am also grateful for the woman I am becoming, not because I have everything figured out, but because I have learnt to appreciate the journey including the parts that have stretched me, humbled me and required me to start again.

What's your message to women?

Don't allow your wounds to convince you that you are not worthy of the life you desire. There will be seasons when you question yourself. There will be rejection, delays, disappointments and moments when you wonder whether you are capable. But please don't confuse a difficult season with the end of your story.

Heal. Learn. Rest. Ask for help. Start again. And give yourself permission to become someone you have never been before.

You don't have to become someone else to be worthy. You need to become more fully yourself. Sometimes the woman you are becoming is hidden beneath the wounds, expectations and identities you have carried for years. Give yourself permission to discover her.

If you've been inspired by Gemima's story and would like to connect with her, she's Coach Gee Phalane on all social media platforms.