After the Fires: Unlocking the Power of Letting Go by Nozipho Tshabalala

I recently attended Nozipho Tshabalala’s book launch for her debut work, After the Fires: Unlocking the Power of Letting Go, Published by Jonathan Ball. The literary work is a riveting memoir that highlights the importance of telling our stories. Sharing our lives experiences with the world with a candor that heals not only the author but a nation.

Signed copies in hand: My Sis and I with Nozipho

At the launch, the conversation between Nozipho and Nomzamo Mbatha led me to want to dig in right away. And I did. Refilwe’s Reading Rendezvous ended in the wee hours of the next day.

My reflections:

Icons are everyday people who have gone out to do extraordinary things. Nozipho is a living example of this. Even though she’s in her early 40s, her life’s experiences make her an icon - a veteran of life, if you will.

Nozipho was borne into an eruptive era during apartheid. An era that threatened her existence. Although her family were not part of the liberation struggle movement the struggle for liberation characterised their everyday lives until much later in life.

From fleeing her petrol bombed home, living with strangers for safe keeping, taking on a new identity as her saving grace, to surviving systemic racism and abuse, Nozipho learned early on that control was the best way to safeguard what mattered. When you are in control, you stay calculated and knowing of how things - to a large degree - will pan out. This kind of orchestrated control is aimed at protecting one from undesired outcomes, becoming a blueprint for future endeavours and generations.

Like the duality that defined the better part of Nozipho’s life, the irony is that excessive control is an enabler of growth in other ways whilst stunting our growth in others.

The solution? Letting go. Something so simple yet the hardest to carry out.

In her Memoir, Nozipho shares chapters of her life in a captivating fashion, highlighting the struggle that led her to resort to the only thing she knew, control. She doesn’t stop there. Her searing encounters also detail the strength it took for her to release herself from the clutches of control. A quest that’s ongoing for her. A journey that’s still unraveling as she leans more into God and into the gift of therapy.

I think Nozipho’s successful career is also a testament of what leaning into God and therapy can bring forth. For her, it’s brought mentors and sponsors who helped her step into that which God designed her for. In a chapter dedicated to her transformative relationship with Dr Pumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, she writes: “There have been countless moments where Ma’am reminded me that I was destined to be more than what I or others saw in me in the moment. In big and small ways, she stood in the gap and believed in me, as well as for me, when my life’s experiences were not able to stretch me past what I’d seen and experienced.”

The book carries many themes and issues that remain unresolved and continue to define the course for black families to this day. Born in poverty. Fighting to get a good education. The disparities between the rich and poor - the gap keeps widening. Navigating racism and discrimination in society, not only due to your skin colour but because you are a woman. Alcoholism. Gender-based violence. Healing from trauma perpetuated unknowingly by your parents. Parentification. Forgiveness. Black tax. Infertility. Marriage. Motherhood.

Nozipho’s healing journey is remarkably visible. She shares her life’s journey with equal bouts of vulnerability, grace and compassion. The presence of her family at the book launch and her admiration and acknowledgment of her mother warmed my heart. The gestures reminded me that reconciliation is a choice we need to make because our loved ones deserve a fighting chance. This isn’t easy but with willing hearts, it is possible. It is our pathway to living a life free from the clutches of control.

💡 Reflect about all the heavy weight you are carrying. It’s time to surrender and to let go…

Have you read the book or are you yet to read it?

I think it’s a must-read for everyone. It’s clean so it’s a perfect book for young ones, to inspire and encourage them. After all, to change for the better, we all need relatable mentors and people to look up to.